Anger is a healthy and even a useful emotion. You can use anger to become aware, to solve problems, to communicate, and to look at things from a different perspective. However, when you let your anger get out of control, it can be a very destructive force.
ange and spiralIt starts with just a little anger, but when it gets out of control, it can have destructive effects on every area of your life. Many people who are angry have a sense of worthlessness, and feel that there is something wrong with them, even though deep inside they know that they are a GOOD person.
The feeling of worthlessness has a root source: low self esteem. Feeling worthless is a stinging moment that sparks off an emotional reaction. Maybe you experienced a tough break up, and then you hear that arrogant relative last night! It causes a lifetime of negative emotions to fester in your thinking. Then the feeling of worthlessness becomes a core belief, such that you forgot, or don’t know how to change it. Later on you realize you are powerless to change the belief, and anger sets in.
Tip 1: Contemplate your anger.The act of intense contemplation is step one in moving your anger out of control resistance. Notice how you feel from the inside. Where in your body do you feel the anger? The phrase “incapacitated anger” comes from cognitive therapy. It is a self inventory of any painful response to situation.
For example, did you feel this in the morning after the events of the day? Could you make the difference? We often become victimized by our thoughts. When we are in an intense emotional state, we create unhealthy results, and we can’t even realize it. It is kind of like a bad hair cut; you know the result will give you the undesirable look, but you feel that it is a terrible look.
Deep inside you know that way. That was like an emotional bath, or an emotional crash. Deep inside, you knew that that was going to make things a little worse. You know the stuff you were thinking greatly influences your life, yet, against your better judgment, you say to yourself “I will take this one day at a time. There is necessary more than one thing on my to do list? or I am going to the gym this morning, or I will take up a hobby…
But if you first consider your situation, and then consider your reactions, you might be surprised at the results of your contemplation. Self-questioning can be energizing. You can also start to dissolve your anger by trying to see where it is originating from. Does it come from low self esteem, or does it come with a very strong emotional charge?
Tip 2: Remove anger from the situation.Decide to take your life, and your anger out of any dark place. Let go of the hypothyc Dramaurch, you know the one. It is your own black hole. This can be a scary thing to do. The dynamic of the dark is so strong that it’s hard to break its hold on you.
We can choose to stuff our anger. But be ready for struggles; push through the anger. When we go into a dark place, that is where the magic happens. In the dark we find safe, and resourceful, and empowered.
If you choose to pretend, force or control the situation, you are taking your power away from yourself. The longer we stay in the victim mode, the more powerless we feel. We also become very upset at the person we are blaming or asking for something.
Tip 3: Change the channelif you are normally a self-accuser. Take responsibility for your own part. You may know a need for anger is rocketing in your life. But listen to your body. Ask “Is there something that I’m heading towards without even realise it?” Affirm “I choose to only be in this space.”
This is the point at which you can choose again to stay in that dark place, or leave the pain behind, and take your power back into your life. If you tell your truth now, you won’t be stuck in anger forever.
